THE COOK

Back to work today. One thing that gets lost in print is the tired way that my mind's voice says those four words. I do not hate my job per se, but it's been rough lately. It gets on my nerves a lot more than it used to. Maybe it's because of giving up the habit I mentioned in the prior blog. Maybe it's because I have an annoying hernia that I'm waiting for a surgical consult on. Maybe I'm just getting old and cranky. Maybe it's just because I'm a cook.
Nobody in their right mind would want to be a cook. I'm not talking chefs here. Lots of people want to be chefs and simply end up as cooks. All cooks are either bad chefs or have really low expectations. There is little money involved, few benefits except for free food, free beer, and a flexible schedule if you are good enough at it. Most civilians(non cooks) will want to refer to you as a cook, anyway, which is really annoying also. The image of a cook in most people's minds is that of Mel from the 'Alice' tv show or school lunch cooks or some anonymous grease covered loser at a diner. All accurate depictions, but people always want to imagine you as less of a loser so they call you 'chef' when introducing you. It's annoying.
Now I am going to compare cooking to being a combination of a combat soldier and an E.R. doctor. I apologize to all the soldiers and E.R. docs out there, but not to anyone else. You don't get a say in the matter. I just cannot imagine any profession that has more discomfort.
First, there's the pain. Burning yourself is a regular event(You will notice cooks in public by all of the burn scars on their forearms. A close inspection differentiates them from junkies). And you cannot simply stop working because you are in pain, oh no, people have to eat a meal that they were to lazy to stay at home and cook for themselves. I know what your thinking, "If it wasn't for all us lazy people, then you wouldn't have a job", but if you think about it, I'm sure I could find another low-paying job that nobody respected out there, don't you think?
Next, there's the annoyance factor. Customers are supremely annoying. They either want there sauce on the side, or their chicken on the side, or their pasta on the side, or their garnish on the side, or their sides on the meal. They want no peas, no parsley, no chicken sub shrimp, no mushrooms, no olives, no green stuff of any kind, no garlic, no butter, or no cheese. They are allergic to garlic, allergic to milk, allergic to shrimp, allergic to basil, allergic to nuts, allergic to oil, allergic to mushrooms, allergic to wheat, allergic to soy, allergic to parsley, allergic to pepper, or allergic to eggs. Sometimes the server comes back and says to be careful because the customer is deathly allergic to something and to make sure that this something is nowhere near their food or they will die. How could this person have survived this long if they put their lives in the hands of people who don't make enough money to pay their rent half the time and are mainly just thinking about how good the beer is going to taste after work?
Unfortunately, customers are stupid. Cooks are not stupid. They are simply very unsuccessful and have no plans for their future. That said, cooking is really fun! You get to use foul language and listen to raunchy loud music, I already mentioned the free beer, and other cooks treat you like a god if you're good.
It's the days when the kitchen falls apart that suck.
I will probably miss cooking someday, when I get to leave it, hopefully before I actually die in a kitchen. That would be embarrassing.